How You Can Change the World

Recently at the Festival of Faith and Writing, I attended an interview of Anne Lamott. One of the questions asked of her was one I often ask my myself.

How do you get people to change?

How do you change your environment? How do you change a culture, specifically one that is self-centered and judgmental? How do you get people around you to take a step back, to love, and to give?

Lamott answered with the serenity prayer written by Reinhold Niebuhr.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

In keeping with the last line, she helped us to define what we can and cannot change.

photo by Camil Tulcan (creative commons license)

What You Cannot Change

Everybody else.

You can’t make anyone be different. You can’t make them see what you see. You can’t take off your own lenses of perspective and put them on another. You can’t make anybody feel what you feel.

We focus too much energy on trying to change people. But we can’t. And the efforts typically end in frustration and disappointment.

This applies to everyone you interact with. Significant others. Children. Co-workers. Parents. Acquaintances. Republicans.

You can’t change them.

What You Can Change

You.

That’s it. You can only change you.

Her point was that you can make the effort to show up. You can be the kind of person you want everyone else to be. You can give more of your time. You can take the extra step to do the job better. You can sacrifice for the good of others more.

In other words, you can choose to be a loving person.

Will it Work?

It is frustrating. Changing ourselves feels powerless. Can you really change a culture simply by changing yourself? Maybe. And maybe not.

Choosing to love others always works. Sometimes it works by bringing about the desired change you want to see in the other person. Sometimes the other person doesn’t change at all.

But love always works.

When we make this change in ourselves and we live for something bigger than getting what we want. Then something incredible has happened inside of us.

Maybe the culture within your home or your church or your office will change. Maybe not. But something bigger and better will happen. You will experience what it means to offer love within yourself.

And you will change.