Jeremy Statton

Living Better Stories

2 Questions to Ask when you Are Afraid to Commit

55 Flares 55 Flares ×

You know you should, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it. You know that it would a good idea, maybe even a great idea, but you can’t get yourself to say yes.

So you just walk away. Afraid.

This old, tired story that gets told too many times in our lives.

photo by Memphis CVB (Creative Commons)

The Love Story

The story is familiar. A boy and a girl in love. They smile. They laugh. When they are together, time stands still.

Sometimes they cry, but this time the tears fall on someone else’s shoulders.

Together they are better than they are alone. They are young and in love and nothing matters more to them than each other.

For the first time the rest of the world fades away. Yesterday is forgotten. Tomorrow is of no concern. All that matters is now.

But the time comes when they both know something else has to happen. Something more. When he looks in her eyes, he can see it.

Her eyes tell him the truth he already knows. It is time to kneel in the snow. To take her hand. To look even deeper into those eyes. So deep he can see her soul.

And then to give her the greatest gift he can. To give her his life.

He knows it is time to commit. For forever.

But the old story is told again. He quits calling. He finds other ways to spend his time. He avoids. Her tears fall on the ground once more.

He stops looking into those incriminating, beautiful big blue eyes.

What holds him back? What keeps him from asking the big question?

If you ask, he might say that he is afraid of commitment.

Merely an Excuse

If this isn’t your story, you know someone who has told it. And you have lived it out in some form in your life.

  • Writing your book.
  • Giving your 2 week notice.
  • Calling the adoption agency.
  • Submitting the application for the mission trip.
  • Applying for the business loan.
  • Asking the girl out.
  • Making the big decision.

Even though you know what you should do, and what you need to do, you wait. You stall. You avoid.

Afraid to commit.

Except that you commit to numerous other things in your life.

That same guy who can’t commit to the girl, has endless paraphernalia dedicated to his favorite sports team.

That same guy is able to show up to work every day.

That same guy will eat pizza three days a week.

That same guy has a tattoo on his arm. A decision that will never go away.

He is committed.

What he is really afraid of, is committing to something that will be difficult. Committing to something that is demanding. He is afraid of giving up control. Of handing his life over to someone else.

All of us have commitments. All of us are passionate.

We are committed to staying safe. We are committed to what we are used to. We are committed to the things that let us hide who we really are.

Commit to Something Better

The way we convince ourselves to commit to these harder ideals in life is to make the commitment to something bigger and better.

With every decision ask two questions.

1. Will this help me write a better story with my life?

2. Is this commitment for the good of others?

If you answer yes to both, then the commitment is most likely one of the most important things you can be doing with your life.

We must stop living the tired story of fear of commitment and step in to a story of purpose for our lives. A purpose of hard work. A purpose of living through something hard but good. A purpose of service. A purpose of generosity.

A purpose of love.

And if we choose to tell these stories. If we sense that we have been made to live something more than what we are. We will have to make a commitment to something impossible.

We will have to believe something possible. We will have to take a leap of faith.

Stop being so committed to a life that makes you happy. Start committing to using your life to make others happy.

Are you afraid of commitment? Are you afraid of committing to something difficult?

You can leave a comment by clicking here.

 

About Jeremy Statton

Jeremy is a writer and an orthopedic surgeon. When not ridding the world of pain, he helps you live a better story. Follow him on Twitter or Facebook or Google +.

Want to live a better story?

If you enjoy reading these stories, consider subscribing to receive email updates. I’ll give you a free copy of my eBook Grace Is



38 Replies

  1. Mike Zserdin

    Great questions Jeremy. A good way to look at commitment…committing doesn’t necessarily make my story easier but it can make it better. There are times when I hide selfishness behind fear. Both hurt me and those around me.  Great thoughts.

    Best regards,

    Mike

    1. Committing to the right things will make your story harder. Guaranteed. the first step is acknowledging this fact. The second is accepting it and then committing despite the hardness.

      The third, and this doesn’t happen often enough, is not caring about how hard it is and enjoying the benefits of having committed to something great.

      Another word for all of this is having passion.

      1. Carolina Woman

        Wow…I can’t thank you enough for writing this blog- It’s exactly what I needed.

  2. Love the direction you went with this, Jeremy.  You’re right, fear of commitment is an excuse and a  lie that we tell ourselves.  Instead, we are afraid of the work that might be involved or how it will stretch us and take us out of our comfort zones.  

    1. The work is so good once we get over this fear, but it can be really tough to get over.

  3. Jeremy,

    This post is so good! I’m not afraid of commitment. As a matter of fact when I’m in, I’m *all* in. Your story about the boy & girl resonated with me because I’ve found myself on the receiving end of ‘nothing.’  The last guy I talked to was afraid of commitment and when you said, “Committing to something that will be difficult” it touched an emotional nerve.You’re exactly right.I will say though that I am afraid of committing to myself.  I’m afraid of really digging into the depths of who I am and surfacing things that I’ve quietly pushed under the rug for a majority of my life. Because the reality of it is paralyzing. I’m beginning to see the areas in my life where it’s been paralyzing this most.This post is definitely a sweet taste of conviction.Great post and insight.

    1. That’s very interesting, this committing to yourself. Are there specific things you want to do or is it more of a sense that you have to be more honest with yourself?

      1. Jeremy,

        It’s a mixture of both.  

        I’m probably the most transparent person I know so I can admit the areas in my life where I fall short and am the weakest.

        I’m scared.

        I want to be a better person.  I want to love better, move on from my past (finally), be more serving of others, help people in need, have my own ministry, get married & start a family, have a better career, etc etc.

        What’s stopping me? Fear of failure.

        Can you relate to this?

  4. I like your words Jeremy: “Stop being so committed to a life that makes you happy. Start committing to using your life to make others happy.”  When I get to thinking of things I really want to do in the next year, I get downright scared and then of course that leads to procrastination. I am committing to using my life to make others happy and letting go of the fear.  Needed this post today…thanks :-)

  5. Yep, this is my story exactly. I even have trouble committing to plans with friends. When I had my interview with the non-profit in Nashville, I wasn’t going to take the job. I had convinced myself that it wasn’t for me. And then I had three people – all separately – tell me that it sounded more like my fear of commitment than anything being wrong with the job.

    This deep-seated fear has shown up in all areas of my life, and I’ve missed out on a lot because of it. In leaving myself open to other options, I’ve hurt feelings, and that was never my purpose. I’m going to be asking myself those two questions a lot in the next few months as my life changes drastically. Thanks for this wisdom, Jeremy.

    1. Sounds like you have some really good friends. I’m really excited about your move to Nashville and the new job. Keep me updated.

  6. I like this perspective Jeremy. It’s not that we are afraid to commit (cos we already commit to other things)…we are just afraid of the inconveniences, difficulty, less-comfort e.t.c some commitments bring. 

    I sometimes ‘count the cost’ too much. I know weighing up matters in the mind is good..but delayed obedience isn’t always the best way to go. Great food for thought today.

    Thank you for sharing.

    1. Maybe it’s better to count the cost of not committing?

      1. True..no better way of  ‘counting the cost’ ! 

  7. I know this–this commitment to safety. There’s fear, and pressure, when one has a family, but feels called to something more. So I hedge, hold onto safety, and don’t venture much beyond the harbor.

    1. We are all desperately committed to our safety. Committing to our work and our art, requires a different sort of commitment.

  8. lauzza

    if you are afraid to commit to someone…when do you know you have found the one?

  9. Peter McKay

    For the past few years I’ve been feeling something holding me on things that I’ve been constantly thinking of. Things like, “Should I ask her? Should I go there? Should I try this? Is this what I want?”.
    I know that life is filled with struggles and we are meant to cross them, I know it is not the destination but the journey that life is about, I know that I will fail in life many times and that I have to get back up.
    And yet despite knowing this I just can’t do it. I can’t bring myself forward. I haven’t gotten the urge to write my story in over a year, I haven’t dated anyone since middle school, and I can’t even bring up the courage to look for a summer job. I know that it is me standing in my way, that I’m the only one stopping me from going forward and I’ve accepted as fact about the struggles in life. I’m rambling on and on I know, but I just feel so frustrated and hopeless. I fear that I can’t see what I need to see about myself, that I may hate it and that I may not be able to change it.

    Sorry I just….I just needed to say something.

  10. Carolina Woman

    Jeremy—Thanks for the great blog post! I stumbled across it while searching for “every time I commit to someone I want to be with someone else” (a very specific google search, I know). I just turned 30 and I feel like I’m still 20 when it comes to the degree of difficulty I have to committing to a man. Several months ago I met my current boyfriend and I have never been treated so well. Still…he’s started talking about marriage and I’ve found myself feeling like a caged tiger. At first I was excited about the prospect of settling down with such a wonderful man. We are both successful business owners, have similar long term goals, and enjoy many of the same hobbies……but I’m afraid I can’t sustain my feelings of devotion. He lives two hours away from me and he’s talking about moving here to live with me. I’m not ready! I realize that I kind of love the fact that he lives so far away and I’m worried about getting “stuck”. I don’t want to be this way!

  11. .Alberto Gilles

    All my respect and love to Priest Andrew who literally changed my life with his spell and kindness, you have done wonders in my life and i appreciate you for that. priestandrew91@yahoo.com is his email address if any one ever needs his help, feel free to contact him as he is a very nice and understanding person…..Alberto Gilles – Italy

  12. Bianca

    Prophet Mike gave me the possibility to start my new and happy life with Jay. The commitment and Marriage spells worked beyond my imagination. I am now happily married to Jay after a terrible heartbreak with my ex-boyfriend. You can reach him on purityspell@gmail.com if you need help.

  13. Silvia

    I want to let you all know about how drstanleyspelltemple@hotmail.com helped me, my name is Silvia from Canada and in short Dr. Stanley is fab!! I did have to wait ages, and ages, for my partner to finally realize it was me he wanted, not the other woman but I did have faith in all the spell work Dr. Stanley did for me and when he kept saying ‘hang on in there’ I did find it hard, but I did know in my heart that he would be back. Thank you Dr. Stanley for bring back my partner to me with the help of your spell.

  14. Deborah Wilson

    i have been married for 4years and i have a break up with my husband 3months ago and i was worried and so confuse because i love him so much. i was really going too depressed and a friend directed me to this spell caster Dr. Laco and i made all my problems known to him and he told me not to worry that he was going to make my husband to come back to me and in just 48hours i receive a call from my husband and he was appealing that i should come back to the house. i have never in my life believe in spell and but now it have just helped me and i am now so happy. All Thanks to him and if you also want to have your Husband back to yourself here !! his email Address lacopowerfulspellcaster@yahoo.com i am so happy to testify of your work and kindness,

  15. Ericka

    Thank you so much! I’m in a 4 year relationship with a VERY patient man. I’m a single, 40 plus year old woman (never married) and today I cried because I couldn’t stand the thought of an unhappy marriage ending up in divorce. I’ve been the one running away and hiding out at the mention of marriage. I am just outright afraid to commit to something difficult because I am committed to an easy, happy life, instead of something bigger and better, but harder. Thank you for showing me my true issue.

  16. Bec

    Indecision and fear of commitment for me is something I can’t surmount. I just can’t. Perhaps it is because I have been in this state now for 7 years. I feel so stubborn. The impacts it is having on my life are huge. I will probably miss out on having children too as I’m 35. My partner is so patient, but sometimes I wish he’d given me an ultimatum a long time ago (if that would have helped me make up my mind). He’s a gem, but the fear that I’m somehow with the wrong person is too strong. But I can’t let him go as I do love him. Stuck.

  17. Learning

    Familiar stories. I’m not sure if I’m afraid to commit … I know i will make his life better and in doing this I bring more passion and fun to his life …. But I don’t see the big change to my life other than a man who wants me to make him happy …. Just being who I am. The thing is I don’t know if he makes ME better… He says I make him feel like a king …. But I don’t quite feel like a queen. I did before … In another relationship. I want to feel that way again. Is it selfish?

  18. ferb

    Hey,a very well put article.My friend who I spend a lot of time with,wants to know where this is heading.I like her a lot.She thinks we can spend our life together.But we are just in college and I don’t know what to say to her.I like her a lot too.

  19. doris carter

    Am giving this testimony because someone out there may have similar problem My Husband doesn’t think polygamy is wrong. He has been seeing another girl for about four months now. I told him that he needs to stop, but he says he is in love with her. They’ve talked about being together “forever” and eventually her moving in with us. My husband still loves me. He regrets getting into this in the first place, but is not willing to just break up with her. He says if they so break up then thy will be it and he will not pursue another relationship. I contacted Dr Ofemu Sunnice a spell caster who cast a 4 Days spell for me surprisingly my husband came home on his knees begging me to forgive him that he has broke up with his mistress all thanks to Sunnice I pray that God will continue to use you to help people. Friends don’t die in silent because someone like Dr Ofemu Sunnice has a solution to your problem is living happily with my family. Contact him via sunnicelovespell@yahoo.com

  20. Lydia Fred

    I am Lydia Fred i lives in united states and i was in a serious relationship with my Ex Guy for 3 good years.. One day we were in a dinner party, we had a little misunderstanding which lead to a Quarrel and he stood up and left me at the dinner party. i try to call him but he was not picking my calls so after than i contacted my brother and told him about it,my brother so much love me that he had to see him on my behalf,he told my brother that it is over between us. I cry all day, Then i contacted a friend of mine that had this similar experience and she directed me to Dr.Azuka, and i contacted him and tell him my problems how i lost my relationship with my lover. at first i thought it was not going to be possible.i was ask to come up with a little requirement information of me and my Ex Guy,so i did what i was ask to do, after 24Hours the spell was cast i was in my office when my Ex Guy called me and was asking me to forgive him and come back to him. i was very surprise it was like a dream to me. my ex is now back and he treat me very good. and our relationship is now stronger ask ever before. if you are act there looking for help is time for you to still put your hope on dr. azuka love spell, i promise you that you will be happy with your ex again email him. Greatazukalovespell@gmail.com tell +2348071398555 his web site http://greatazukalovespell.webs.com

  21. Lydia Fred

    I am Lydia Fred i lives in united states and i was in a serious relationship with my Ex Guy for 3 good years.. One day we were in a dinner party, we had a little misunderstanding which lead to a Quarrel and he stood up and left me at the dinner party. i try to call him but he was not picking my calls so after than i contacted my brother and told him about it,my brother so much love me that he had to see him on my behalf,he told my brother that it is over between us. I cry all day, Then i contacted a friend of mine that had this similar experience and she directed me to Dr.Azuka, and i contacted him and tell him my problems how i lost my relationship with my lover. at first i thought it was not going to be possible.i was ask to come up with a little requirement information of me and my Ex Guy,so i did what i was ask to do, after 24Hours the spell was cast i was in my office when my Ex Guy called me and was asking me to forgive him and come back to him. i was very surprise it was like a dream to me. my ex is now back and he treat me very good. and our relationship is now stronger ask ever before. if you are act there looking for help is time for you to still put your hope on dr. azuka love spell, i promise you that you will be happy with your ex again email him. Greatazukalovespell@gmail.com tell +2348071398555 his web site http://greatazukalovespell.webs.com…….

  22. Stacey Bruno

    My Name is Stacey Bruno , From UNITED KINGDOM. I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called DR. ogala, He has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost Ex WIFE to me with his great spell, I was married to this woman called KATE we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable to make her pregnant,she left me for 1 year and told me she can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get her back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave me his contact email(Holyspellcast@gmail.com) then you won’t believe this when I contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost wife back, and after a month I slept with her ans she went for a test and the result stated she is pregnant am happy today am a father of a baby girl, thank you once again the great DR. ogala for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through any of this problems listed below: 1) If you want your ex back. (2) if you always have bad dreams. (3) You want to be promoted in your office. (4) You want women/men to run after you. (5) If you want a child. (6) You want to be rich. (7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever. (8) If you need financial assistance. (9) Herbal care Email…Holyspellcast@gmail.com Or Holyspellcast@yahoo.com his web site http://holyspellcast.webs.com Or YOU C AN CONTACT HIM THROUGH HIS MOBILE: +2348039456308.

  23. Becky Jones

    MY LIFE IS BACK , I am Jerry Joy by name. Greetings to
    every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my
    husband after three(4) years of marriage just because another woman had a
    spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was
    reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this
    address drogudospelltemple@gmail.com,
    have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his
    address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he
    told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my
    husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know
    that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am
    now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr OGUDO. His email: drogudospelltemple@gmail.com

  24. Becky Jones

    My name is Rusty Kate, from UK I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in July this year on a business summit. i ment a man called Dr. OGUDO.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to New York, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email drogudospelltemple@gmail.com you can see what he can do and i belive that he can do so four you tooo,,

  25. Tina Martinez

    My name is Tina Martinez from United States, I want to quickly tell the world that there is a real on line spell caster that is powerful and genuine, His name is DR OVIA, He helped me recently to reunite my relationship wih my Boyfriend who dumped me, When i contacted DR OVIA he cast a love spell for me and my Boyfriend who said he doesn’t have anything to do with me again called me and started begging me. To anyone who is reading this article and needs any help, DR OVIA can also offer any types of help like Reuniting of marriage and relationship, Curing of all types of Diseases, Court Cases, Pregnancy Spell, Spiritual protection and lot’s more.
    You can contact him Via this email droviasolutioncenter@yahoo.com or Directly through His website on http://www.droviasolutioncenter.webs.com or call him on +2348054049995

  26. Becky Jones

    My name is Rusty Kate, from UK I never believed in love spells or magic
    until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in July this
    year on a business summit. i ment a man called Dr. OGUDO.He is powerful
    he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving
    lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic
    money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living
    testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our
    wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for
    2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had
    no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what
    happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was
    undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6
    days when i returned to New York, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he
    called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been
    settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we
    should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked
    for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we
    are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my
    husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case
    anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email
    drogudospelltemple@gmail.com you can see what he can do and i belive
    that he can do so four you tooo

  27. Robin laura

    I have been in great bondage for about 4 years
    suffering in the hands of a cheating husband. We were living happily
    until he meant his old time girl friend and he started dating her again
    outside our marriage and before i knew it he stopped caring for his own
    family, to the extent that he was planning to marry her and divorce me. I
    cried and reported him to his family members but he never listened to
    anyone and to cut the story short, i came in search for a real spell
    caster who could destroy their relationship and make him come back to me
    and our 2 kids again; on my search i saw people sharing testimony on
    how their marriage was restored by Dr. Eze Malaka and i pick his email
    and told him the problem that i was going through, and he agreed to help
    me and told me never to worry. After he had finished casting the spell,
    on the second day, they both had a quarrel and he beat up his
    girlfriend and he came back home begging me to forgive him that his eyes
    are clear now that he will never do any thing that will hurt his family
    again and promise to be a caring father and never to cheat on me again.
    I am so happy that i did not lose him to the girl and all appreciation
    goes to Dr. Eze Malaka for his great work. You are a Great spell caster
    and to you all that are faced with this or similar problem to this,
    please contact him now on extremewhitelovespell@yahoo. com

Leave a Reply

55 Flares Twitter 20 Facebook 27 Google+ 4 Pin It Share 3 Buffer 1 55 Flares ×